


good enough, good enough

by suyeols (mirokkuma)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Dom/sub Undertones, Knifeplay, M/M, Pre-scene, Tender(tm)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:40:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25597423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirokkuma/pseuds/suyeols
Summary: He came home to their apartment well prepared - the first aid box on the coffee table, towels laid down, water, sugary snacks. Junmyeon had kissed him with sharp teeth and a fist in his hair, ordered him to shower quickly, change into what he’d laid out. There was only one thing still missing from this scene.
Relationships: Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 7
Kudos: 28





	good enough, good enough

“To be totally honest- you want me to be totally honest, right?”

Chanyeol nods his head minutely. He’s on his back, head propped on the arm of the couch. His thighs are squeezed together to make space for Junmyeon’s knees. With a gentle huff and tight grip on Chanyeol’s elbow for leverage, Junmyeon swings a leg over him, and with a little hop gets both knees onto the couch. 

“I think there may have been better locations,” he smiles, bracing himself with an arm against the back of the couch, “But I agree it’s more..yeah, it’s settling being here.”

Fully bracketed in, Chanyeol slides both palms over Junmyeon’s thighs, squeezing up to his hips to support him as he fits himself around Chanyeol. He’s small and light, but painfully solid in all the wrong places. When he eventually finds a good spot to balance his weight it innocuously leaves him pressing down on Chanyeol’s crotch. Chanyeol grunts at the pressure, bucking ever so slightly to shift Junmyeon. It doesn’t help. “Yeah,” he replies far too late. He isn’t soft, and he knows Junmyeon must be able to feel that. “So, to be honest, you..”

“Mm.” Junmyeon lowers his head, cheeks glowing warm behind the curtain of hair that falls across his face. “Just nervous. I thought I could put my actor face on and pretend I’m not, but I think we’d feel disconnected. And we really shouldn’t for this. So..” he rests his hands on Chanyeol’s belly, starts kneading softly with his thumbs, “..just letting you know, I’m not one hundred percent positive I’ll get this right.”

Something uncomfortable sticks in Chanyeol’s throat. “But it’s my treat-” he starts, but then Junmyeon squirms on top of him.

“I know, I know,” Junmyeon pushes his hair out of his eyes, “I’m comfortable doing it, it’s not an issue. It’s- you’ve been waiting for..what, four years? _Four_?” he emphasises helplessly, “I just don’t want..”

Ah, ah. “You want to be cool and do it perfect first time, I get it.” Chanyeol absently thumbs small circles into Junmyeon’s hips while Junmyeon does the same to him. Sometimes they sync up just fine. “I haven’t done this before either, Junmyeonnie. We did all the same research and agreed on the basics. Wanting it doesn’t mean I have big expectations.”

Junmyeon pouts at that, disbelieving, but it does prompt him to reach into his pocket for what Chanyeol has been hoping is in there. He came home to their apartment well prepared - the first aid box on the coffee table, towels laid down, water, sugary snacks. Junmyeon had kissed him with sharp teeth and a fist in his hair, ordered him to shower quickly, change into what he’d laid out. There was only one thing still missing from this scene.

Junmyeon runs a nail across the inscription on the pocketknife before he pulls it out. His name lined with gold; an expensive souvenir. Honestly, if they were going to do something like this, it feels typically Junmyeon that he’d have the perfect thing for the job hoarded away somewhere. Laying soft, dark clothing out for Chanyeol, carefully chosen and almost neatly folded, isn’t typically Junmyeon at all. Chanyeol’s heart is still tight from it.

Weighing it in his palm, Junmyeon looks from the knife to Chanyeol. No heat, just a light frown. “I don’t like feeling afraid to hurt you.” 

“Sucks, seeing as that’s what I _really_ want you to do.”

Junmyeon tuts at that, abruptly finding an easy grip on the handle in a way that makes Chanyeol’s stomach flip. “Oh, no, I have no issue with hurting you. I just don’t like that I can’t ignore the feelings anymore. You wanted me to do this four years ago,” he muses, unfolding the blade, “I was merciless back then, huh. That was how you wanted this.”

“No,” Chanyeol lies reflexively. Maybe it isn’t a lie. Fantasy and reality are entirely different things, but the blade locks with a click, and he’s so hard already against Junmyeon’s inner thigh. If Junmyeon tells him not to come- Chanyeol’s the goodest he can be, but that isn’t going to work tonight. “Oh, fuck. I’m sorry.” He swallows hard. The back of his hair is already damp with sweat and the blade hasn’t been anywhere near flesh yet. 

Junmyeon presses a finger to his lips, gesturing for Chanyeol to stop talking and breathe. “If you seem overwhelmed I’ll stop,” he says. Chanyeol thunks his head back, hard. He knows, he knows. Deep breaths. “If I get worried I’ll stop, and-” 

“Colours, safe word, checking in, yeah. Yes, will do.” Chanyeol squeezes his eyes shut. “Please keep talking about four years ago.” 

For a long moment after that there’s silence, and Chanyeol suddenly becomes aware that Junmyeon hasn’t told him how to position his hands. Generally keeping him as still as possible is advisable. There’s a thoughtful hum, and the shock of cold metal against Chanyeol’s skin nearly makes him howl. “What you wanted then isn’t what you want now, Chanyeollie.”

“Yes,” is all Chanyeol can manage with the flat of a blade resting on his tensed stomach. He’s always been over ambitious. Four years ago he wanted Junmyeon’s spite, his anger. He probably wanted Junmyeon to fucking stab him or something. It’s the blunt edge, but it tilts and presses just enough to bite and he _whimpers_. 

Junmyeon keeps him pinned like that, breathing shallow so his stomach doesn’t rise into the pressure, and with his free hand gently tugs Chanyeol’s shirt higher. Fire tears through Chanyeol’s veins as the knife runs over newly exposed skin, up the central dip in his abs and out to the left side of his rib cage. God, god, god- 

“Baby,” Junmyeon prompts softly.

“Green, green. Green.”

A pleased hum. Junmyeon’s left hand settles firmly beside Chanyeol’s shoulder, and for a moment the blade lifts away. Chanyeol feels the tense and shift of Junmyeon poising himself just-so, and when the firm, cold pressure returns just under Chanyeol’s nipple he feels deliriously secure. Maybe it’s because he forgot to breathe when he had the chance. “I love you very much, Yeollie,” Junmyeon’s voice is much closer now, “Do you still want me to make it bleed?”

A sob isn’t an answer, Chanyeol knows. Nothing but his want for this is the same as four years ago. He doesn’t want the intensity of his feelings to be filtered through hatred anymore. He wants to be cut open with tenderness, his whole life narrowed down to Junmyeon’s point of visceral contact. It takes two sobs and another deep breath before he can find the words. All three of them - “God, fuck, please.”

**Author's Note:**

> my traditional quickly written indulgent birthday fic for myself. my first serious suyeol attempt was some stupid messy lotto au thing and they and I have come a long way since then c’: so what was supposed to be long overdue porn turned into this little feelsy thing of them kinda..addressing that, hmm. anyway, thanks for checking it out !  
>  [main exo pseud](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirokkuma/pseuds/taonsils) 🌻 I am on [twt](https://twitter.com/taonsil) ❀ [cc](https://curiouscat.me/suyeols) 24/7 crying about suyeol


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